his office

I hate my husbands computer. I hate his damn dial up. I can't stand his office, it's so trashy, filthy. There I said it.

Hookers in a Haunted House

Must See

Hahahahaha - you'll be scared stiff - see it's right there on the cover. Can't wait to rent this one. Can you get X rated stuff from NetFlix? Better find out.

yes

mooner

flasher

ill pumpkin

Yokes - no, jokes

A bear walks in to a bar. Slams his fist on the bar and yells "BARTENDER GET ME A BEER!"

The bartender says "I'm sorry we don't serve bears here."

The Bear throws his fist through a wall causing a hole and screams "DAMN IT BARTENDER GET ME A BEER!!!"

The bartender calmly states "We don't serve angry people at this bar."

The Bear goes down the bar and bite off a woman's head and spits it out onto the floor, growling "GET ME A BEER!!"

Bartender say "Sir, we don't serve drug addicts here."

The bear replies "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TAKING ABOUT??"

Bartender says "That was a bar-bitch-u-ate"

Oh Please!!!!!

let me go you big brute

Finally, the company is letting me go - for a full three days - oh joy I'm such a lucky girl. Oct 30 thru Nov 2. What to do with myself?

Da Buds

They hear a car horn honk and run to the front door thinking someone honking for them. Dogs. Funny dogs.

Drunken Hubby

Okay, so I can't beat him senseless, but I can make his day after the drunk a living hell.

at a party

Rusty: Why do the hillbillies fuck doggie style?

Rusty (again): So they can both watch WWF.

Eric: Because he's fucking the dog.

Diedre: No the sheep.

Rusyt: CHUCK! CHUCK! Where's the music Chuck?

Wet Saturday

Not to be confused with a Bloody Sunday.

Like every weekend I have ideas of all the things I want to do, to get and so on. Like every weekend not even a couple of the items on the list get done. Well, not this time. This time it's going to get done - because (wait for it . . .)

There is not list - hahahahaha.

Okay, not totally true.

Places I have to go - PetSmart for cat food (I hate that damn cat), Walgreens to pick up my prescriptions, and maybe the grocery store because every once in a while we like to eat.

Places I want to go - a long walk with the buds around the neighborhood and the gym (because I haven't been since, hummm, since I think once in September).

Things I want to get done - folding and putting up all the clean laundry, wash all the dirty towels and sheets in the house and then remake the beds (already almost done with the towels), clean my sons bathroom (got a head start last night), get out all the Halloween stuff out from the closet under the stairs (this was left over from last weekends list), beat my husband because he was a drunken asshole last night (okay this item will probably not get taken care off - but a girl can dream can't she).

for you

Joke

A wife wants to do something kinky for her husband, so she wraps her naked body in plastic wrap and awaits his arrival.
The husband opens the door and says "Not leftovers again."

work is driving me crazy

Spam Email

I got this spam email yesterday and being the pervert that I am I just had to open it.

It was titled Sweeter tasting sperm! and this is what is promises

Longer orgasms - The longest most intense orgasms of your life
Rock hard erections - Erections like steel
Increased sexual desire - Enhanced libido
Ejaculate like a porn star - Stronger ejaculation (watch where your aiming)
Multiple orgasms - Cum again and again
Up to 500% more volume - Cover her in it if you want
Sweeter tasting sperm - Studies show it improves the flavor

Does anyone know if this stuff really works? Even if it doesn't I appreciate the laugh.

Please wake up!

Laura & her Bo

My hubby's niece was in a car accident on Saturday night and is still unconscious. She got life flighted to Hermann Hospital.

nothing shy about you

What are you doing today?

Are you working from home? Are you watching me secretly from a hidden camera? Would you like too?

No, no you wouldn't. It's boring here in this box.

shhhhh

Beary White

Getting in the mood

What gets you in the mood?

Not that kinda mood - you pervert!

The holiday mood. I just haven't been feeling it. My family is asking me what are we going to do about the up coming holidays and to be truthful I don't want to do anything. NOT A THING! And I know that they are thinking that it's because my dad died this year and all that, but it's not! Really. I just haven't felt like doing anything with anybody, but one body.

But, and I said but, today it changed. The cooler weather maybe, the fact that it's Friday the 13th in October, I got an email add from Buy Costumes dot com for 13% off on costumes and they had this great headless butler costume that I'm sure will scare the kiddies. So now I'm feeling it. Usually by October 1st I have dragged out all the Halloween decorations out from the closet under the stairs, but I haven't yet, and this weekend I will. I also went and got some more stuff at lunch - I got a rat in a trap (another one) that squeaks and moves around attempting to free himself, I got peeping eye lights with lids and all, huge bat and a voice charger box that it really fun. It's got an alien setting and a monster setting. So cool!!! Yes, I'm excited.

Oh and my son just told me that I need to get another voice changer box, because he wants to take it to school, they are really doing some hard learning at his school.

I couldn't resist

What are you going to be for Halloween?

scary

A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween.
- Erma Bombeck

Another True Story

One time at band camp - oh, that's not it. Here we go.


When my son was 5 he had just gotten a new teacher at his day care. My guess is he didn't like her very much and I was right. I picked him up one day during her first week with the school and immediately was informed, before going back to retrieve my child, that Duncan was written up for several wrong doings that day. His record was two pages long and included mooning the class and other misbehaviors. Tonight was going to be fun, I could tell.

So, I got my child out of the school and as we're walking to the car I stated "So, Duncan, you had a bad day?" Nothing, dead silence. I opened the car door for him and said "Looks like you had a bad day." At this point my 5 year old turns to me and yells really loud, "I KNOW I HAD A BAD DAY! DON'T TELL ME TWICE!"

I still get tickled at his reaction to this today. Oh, the chuckles.

True Story

When my son was about 4 years old there was this extremely cute girl his same age at his day care. Nikki was very outgoing, happy and fun loving. When I would go to pick my son up, Nikki would run and jump in my arms and give me the biggest hugs. Nikki also had asthma really bad, she was in and out of the hospital a lot. My son had asthma too, but mild compared to her.

One day when Nikki and my son were taking their breathing treatments, Duncan leaned to her and kissed her on the check. Nikki told him to never do that again, but in the car on the way home that night Duncan explained to me that when he marries her he's going to kiss her all the time.

bronco

Sex. Drugs. Nakedness. Rude language... And proud of it!

movie

"Don't Judge me Monkey" and "Helloooo Mayberry" came from this movie.

Daddy, I've been a naughty girl !!

dogs

Happy October

when death comes a knocking . . .


I want this for my front yard! I can hear myself now . . .

"Yeah, that's what happened to the last door-to-door salesman."

I love you, Daddy!

da buds

da cousins

I sleep like this

big yawn

new baby